underneath it all - nine inch nails

More names for the list:

Vernita
Elle
Sofie
Joleen
Erica
Janeen

I ended up talking about past girlfriends last night because they seem to be something everyone ends up hearing about anyway so i figure it best that i am the one to tell people rather than have them later come up to me and say 'i heard about Sue burning down your apartment in a fit of rage over the rug you chose,' or 'if i were you i would have dumped her the moment she said she felt a strange attraction for the turtle' or 'oh tell me she didn't run off with the drummer from three eyes of the holy death puppets!! But that guy has seven toes and that unborn twin thing!' and all the rest of it that gets a little old when you hear it too many times.

Anyway, i dug a few different holes today, and i figure that come tomorrow i will dig all of them a little deeper and maybe even start two or three more. Digging is really hard work, and at the moment i have trouble lifting my arms up because they are so tired and heavy, but when i am out there in the sun with the light breeze across my face i feel like i am really pushing forward and doing things.

When it got to late afternoon i sat in the grass all dirty like and watched the sun go down and wondered if maybe somewhere in this wide world of ours maybe Celes or Relm or Tony or Joanne or any of my friends might be doing the same thing. While i am digging my holes everything seems so faraway and distant like i am digging a little further away from everything and everybody with every bit of dirt i shovel. Even still, i have to admit that when you truly wear yourself out in search of the unknown (or maybe just for the heck of it) you really do feel a strange sense of accomplishment.

I am not sure if i will be able to stay up for the ghost girl tonight. My eyes are so heavy and my body is tired like it has not been tired in a long time.

Blake out.

tomorrow is a day for digging

To be added to the list of names that are not the name of the ghost girl:

Eurydice
Juliet
Tomoe
Kei
Maggie
Evelyn

Last night while the ghost girl and i hung out, i talked about my life before i went travelling, because it feels like a really long time since i have told anyone where i grew up and who my parents were and what sort of things happened to me while i was in school. I think maybe there is a part of me that is always looking for something in my past that will explain why it is i have turned out the way i have, but at the same time another part of me pushes me forward onto new things that will change the way i see the world around me.

It can get a little confusing to be the vehicle in which these two parts of me search, but at the same time it is fun and as long as i get a muffin and maybe some ice cream along the way then i can't say i am too bothered really.

I laid down and stared at the ceiling and i talked and talked until i must have fallen asleep because all of a sudden it was morning again and i was all alone in a dusty little cottage with a charm all of it's own.

I went for a walk today, and after a while i found this great big field and the wind blew the grass around and from where i stood it just looked so fantastic with the sun shining and the field stretching on for as long as it wanted. I walked out into the middle of the field and let myself fall on my back in the grass and stared up at the sky, thinking about how nice it would be to fly around wherever i wanted. Then i had this funny feeling well up in me and i suddenly realised there was something i had to do, so i went over to the shops.

Andy was there, as always, and i asked him if he had a shovel and he said 'what for?' and i said 'for digging,' and he said 'you got a body on your hands?' and i said, 'no, nothing like that. I just want to dig,' and he said 'well i don't know m'self from experience or nothin' but i have read that there are better ways to dispose of bodies than digging them holes,' and i said, 'well when i do need to dispose of a body i will let you know but at the moment i just want to dig a hole,' and he said 'for a swimming pool?' and i said, 'yeah, maybe, probably. Will you lend me a shovel if i dig you a swimming pool?' and Andy said 'Heck yes!' and ran off and came back with a shovel and said, 'you let me know if you need anything else young mister and i'll do what i can to help. Hoo boy i ain't seen a swimming pool since god knows when! I remember sitting around with Jennifer and Tracy sunbaking and then soaking in the pool and then throwing ice at them and making them laugh and oh my friend, the good times we had! Such good times...' and then he left muttering to himself and i left to start digging my holes.

Actually though i only had the chance to dig one because it started raining and even then the hole i dug was pretty poor. I ran back to the cottage and had a nap for a while and now i'm up again and i think i'll do some reading or maybe grab the guitar from the boot of the car and strum out a few chords.

I think that's exactly what i'll do actually!

Blake out.

information travels faster - death cab for cutie

I discovered very little last night, and it is mostly due to the fact that i am not a very good detective, which i must admit is a little bit worrying because one day i would really like to be a detective in the kind of town that always seems to have rainy weather so i can walk around in a cool trenchcoat and hat and hang around in smokey bars with a whiskey on the rocks and think bitter thoughts like 'dames. All they do is take your money and leave you to die alone in the gutter with only your broken heart for company, bleeding out in a city that doesn't care.'

She seemed to like having company around, and it turns out she has been here for a long time but she really has no idea just how long she might have been here for. It feels a bit weird talking to a person and not having them respond to you, and i know i did exactly that with Turbo but it felt different because he has his own way of communicating ideas, and even if i couldn't understand him most of the time i still got that impression. Anyway, for a long time we sat around watching the lightning outside in the darkness and because she likes having a person around i talked for a long time about all the things i had been doing recently, like celes and the monks and the factory and relm and even little things like the sorts of muffins i had or the way some thickshakes just aren't as good as others but i don't really know why.

I still haven't gotten her name, but i started a list of names that are not hers:

Gina
Mei
Fio
Kiki
Sheeta
Eboshi
Chihiro
Sophie

I have never been good with names, so i guess it makes sense that i wouldn't get it on the first night. I guess i'll just have to come up with some better guesses next time.

At some point i fell asleep and woke up when the sun first came up because i left the curtains open to watch the lightning and it felt strange to not have the ghost girl around for a while, like every day maybe she haunted by the past much in the way she is haunting the cottage, a kind of sadness creating sadness that goes on for as long as her hopes and dreams and thoughts go untouched an unaccomplished.

I walked over to the shops today and it rained on me on the way there like i knew it would and the old man at the shop (His name is Mr Bogard. Andy is his first name, i think) looked at me for a while and then when i payed for my drink (iced coffee! Yay!) he looked at me all soaked to the bone and said 'rain dance worked, huh?' and i said 'what?' and he said 'i know you young people are all in touch with other alternative ways of making the earth be the earth and the rain dance is a pretty simple one but i guess you guys like to keep that stuff to yourself which is cool because i can pretend like i don't know nothing because truth be told i'm just an old man running an old store in the old part of an old country trying his best to sell the old stuff to the young crowd like i've done since the old days,'

And so he smiled and i smiled and then it was back to the cottage.

I found an old copy of 1984 in here, all dog eared and dusty and i haven't read it but i really liked George Orwell's Animal Farm when i read that so i figure i'll give it a shot during the day and maybe it will give me ideas for what the ghost girl's name might be, because i honestly have no idea at the moment.

Blake will prevail however! Patience and persistence, my friends!

Blake out.

the interesting thing about last night (believe it or not)

I met a ghost last night, and i don't know what her name is or what she's doing here in this little cottage but i do know that she is the ghost girl from my dreams and she needs me to help her with something and i don't know what that something is yet.

I woke up in the middle of the night and there she was, watching me from the corner, and in her red eyes i saw a strange kind of longing that gave me a strange kind of deja vu feeling i could not place and we both sat there in the darkness for a while saying nothing, her because she actually can't talk, and me because i had never seen a ghost before.

After a while i said, 'Are you the ghost of my one true sweetheart, the girl i have never met, here to take me with you to the afterlife at any costs whatsoever?' and she shook her head, which made me quite happy because i once got told by an old fortune teller lady that if i met the ghost of my one true sweetheart then i would be in big trouble.

Actually as it turns out she can't speak. She can mouth words but i can't hear them at all even if i get really close to her mouth. Even though our bodies are on the same plane of existence, it would seem that our voices are on another altogether, but i guess we should be thankful that at least she can hear because otherwise that would make things really difficult.

I have had to ask her yes and no questions as a way to understand exactly what is going on with her, but i still haven't found out all that much.

She was twenty one when she died, and she still does not know exactly how it happened. She wanted to pass a message to someone but as of yet i am not sure who that person is or if they are still alive. She has a sad smile that always seems far away, which i suppose makes sense as in a sense she really is very far away, even though she is also right here.

In the morning she disappeared, and in a strange turn of events, so did the rain, so i went out as soon as i could and drove to the nearest shop, which is actually quite far away, and bought some food. The old man who works behind the counter said 'you look a bit tired boy,' and i said 'yes sir i am,' and he said 'i heard about you "tired" young men and your drugs and your women keeping you up all night and i ain't all that good on the fact it's a healthy way of life but admittedly if i were your age i'd probably be off at all hours in the truck with some women and some of that hashish and we'd be partying so i don't mind you sticking around and doing your thing so long as you don't do nothing wrong by me or my kin,' and i said 'ok. i think i'll go now,' and he smiled and waved me off.

I feel so much better now that i've eaten. It's incredible.

I slept through the day and woke up a little while ago to wait up for the ghost girl to come back again.

Come to think of it, i don't even know what her name is.

Blake out.

hungry and maybe hallucinating because of it

On friday night i had yet another strange dream in which i awoke in the cottage and there was light coming from outside so i went out the door and the sky was a purple colour and the sun was shining and it was a really nice day and the forest was full of all sorts of different trees but there was a path marked out into the forest and everything that touched the path was dead. I walked the path for a long time and i noticed that while i was on the path anything i touched would shrivel up and die and turn to dust but i kept on walking until i got to a wide field of waist high grass and i walked into the middle of it and i saw a girl off in the distance walking away from me when suddenly i was pulled down into the ground and i couldn't stop it and i reached up towards the light but the earth closed on me and when the pulling suddenly stopped there were some red eyes in the darkness and they moved so close to me that i could feel the body they belonged to and it was cold and some tears fell from the face and i heard a girl's voice say 'I'm sorry.'

And then i started awake and it was raining outside so heavy and there was a strong wind and for a little while i was very confused as to where i was and why i was there, but then it all came back to me and i fell back on the floor and strangely i felt really exhausted.

So exhausted in fact that i slept through to mid afternoon. I think that having it always raining and windy and cold outside has made it difficult for me to get a bearing on what the time is. It is almost as though it is always night or close to it, which is a strange feeling that makes me feel tired all the time.

Last night i was sleeping and another weird thing happened. I was just about to fall asleep when i felt a really ice cold hand on my face, and i couldn't move all of a sudden because i was just so spun out and it ran down my face as though whomever it belonged to was blind and trying to search for something in my features. When i finally reached up to grab at it there was nothing there and i realised i was all alone again and i was a little bit confused because i really couldn't tell if i had been asleep or not.

I am worried that not having eaten in the last few days has made my body eat away parts of my brain so that it may keep functioning. That might explain me being tired all the time and the weird thing that happened last night.

If this rain keeps up then i think i will have to just brave it and try to get some food and stuff.

Blake out.

I am a tired blake and i will go to sleep quite soon

Last night i thought someone was watching me as i slept. It was a strange feeling that would not leave me all night until i finally managed to get to sleep. I dreamt that everywhere i looked all i could see was buildings but they all seemed so far away and distant that i thought maybe i would never ever be able to reach them ever but as it turned out they were all made of marbles and as i walked towards one of them they all collapsed and a sea of marbles engulfed me.

Today i couldn't really do anything because it was (and is) raining so heavily outside. I brought my backpack in with me so at least i have stuff to read but i haven't eaten it what feels like eternity and i think that maybe even the animals outside can hear my stomach as it growls to be fed.

Boy, sitting around doing nothing really takes it out of you.

I feel like i'm being watched still.

Is that weird or what?

Blake out.

a nice little quiet cottage in the middle of nowhere with electricity too!

So i took a wrong turn somewhere in the darkness and found myself driving kind of aimlessly down winding roads i recognised less than the roads i was supposed to be driving that i might not recognise anyway. In any case, a little while ago i found a cottage and i figured i'd stop and ask for directions there but as it turns out no-one is here and i know it's probably rude to stay at a person's place without their permission, but it's raining way heavy outside so i figure if i don't eat any of their food supplies or do anything really stupid then hopefully they shouldn't mind too much.

...

Actually, i'm beginning to wonder if anyone lives here at all, what with all the dust and the lack of any food anywhere and the not working water. It's a wonder there's still electricity actually, but once ages ago one of my uncles said that he'd gotten electricity somewhere then never paid his bills and somehow he slipped through and got his electricity for free so long as he didn't use so much that he drew attention to himself. Actually, he was a paranoid guy and so he used candles all the time anyway and never opened the curtains in his house and only watched television between the hours of 2:30am and 6:30am because he thought that saved power.

Maybe this house is a bit like that?

Ah, at least it is nice to be isolated for a little while, with just me and the rain and my thoughts spilling out onto this here blog which maybe some people read everynow and again and for whom i am very grateful. It is nice to be able to sit around and not worry about anything, even the small things because if only for the one night, i am going to sleep like a log and wake whenever i feel like it and then try and make my way back out onto the main road.

Even blakes need a little bit of time by themselves to gather their thoughts and meditate on everything and nothing at the same time. I'm not sure exactly what that means but a zen monk said it once and it stuck with me because it sounded profound but seemed simple and maybe even a little silly. He was a really cool guy actually, that monk. I can't remember what happened to him all those years ago.

I hope he is well though.

Blake out.

around and around and spinning and spinning!

I can smell the freedom in the air and i can feel the miles and miles of space that await me tomorrow, because it will be the day i trek off for new places and new people and maybe even adventures! Somewhere out there, hopefully not too far away, a dog and a crazy man wait for me to find them, and the way i figure it, the sooner the better!

Marle is also a bit sad i will be leaving but she gave me her address and said that as long as i write to her once in awhile then she will be happy and i haven't written a proper letter in so long that i thought it was a great idea. Pen pals and all the rest of that stuff rock!

Although once i had this female penpal and for a while it was really cool because i thought they lived on the other side of the planet and we were getting to know each other for a few months and then i got this letter that started with the line 'i was watching you sleeping last night and you were really cute...' and i was a bit confused but i thought that maybe that was just something they said wherever she came from, you know as a joke, but then i got another letter the next day saying 'oh how i longed to be the choc chip muffin you ate yesterday. Oh how i long to be all the muffins you eat every friday and sunday morning at around 10:30' and i got a little scared so i stopped writing letters but i kept receiving them and they had photos of me in them from when i went for walks and stuff and i think she might have really liked me and eventually my girlfriend at the time left me because she thought i was seeing another woman and even though i said 'but she's crazy!!!' i couldn't stop her.

Eventually the mystery woman vanished from my life, just as i was going to get the police to help me out.

I don't think Marle is that sort of person though.

I have packed up all my stuff and am pretty much all set to go! I put those sketches from the fridge in my bag along with that hair clip, which i probably should have given to Celes when we rescued her but i can sometimes be stupid like that i guess.

Woo! And up in the sky the Blake soars, not unlike a bird or a plane!

Blake out.

I feel the wind is changing...

There is something about this life in this small town that seems to be a little lost on me all of a sudden. I worked yesterday and i bumped into Yoko and i told her things were going in a very strange direction for me and she said nothing for such a long time i thought she had not heard me but then she said 'this is a business you can never truly escape, and yet somehow you seem different to the rest of us...'

I was not sure exactly what to say so i just said thanks, and she smiled. She has really really nice teeth. Like really nice though.

Anyway i told Lydia i would be leaving in the next few days and she seemed really genuinely sad. She gave me a few cards for people who work in the city i will be going to next (the name of which i seem to have forgotten, but i'll let you know in good time!), and said that she would call ahead for me and make sure i am treated well. Lydia sure is nice. She even said she wants to get me something before i leave!

I will visit Marle tomorrow and let her know too.

But to be honest, i feel a bit bad because i haven't been searching for Turbo and Tony and i haven't seen them in ages, which has me feeling a bit like a worried.

I am not sure what has happened to me but since angry Blake revealed himself i have had trouble focusing on things. Everything feels a little bit blurry and unreal which is strange because i have never felt like this before but i think if i move on to somewhere new i will hopefully find things to bring back some colour to my life and maybe even happiness to the lives of others.

Blake's on the move again! Hooray!

Blake out.

Maybe there are two blakes in the one blake?

I have been in a strange mood the past few days and although i think it is somehow because of Celes and not sleeping because of the ghost girl i am still a bit surprised by what came out of me yesterday.

So anyway on Thursday i had to work all day which was good, but because i wasn't sure if i was working or not so in the morning i went to the gym and worked out really hard and then came back and found out i would have to deliver stuff again to everywhere in the whole town that i might or might not have been to before.

I was the busiest blake that ever was, and i have been pretty busy before.

It was all sorts of stuff, like documents to Trent, and shoes to Chris, and letters to Matt, and feathers to Jess, and light bulbs to Adrian, and in the end i kind of phased out and went a little robot like.

Then yesterday i went out to visit Marle, who lives way far away from town in a little cabin a little ways from one of the main roads and it's all picturesque and beautiful but there was a real nice looking car out the front, a big one, and i had a feeling i knew who it might belong to. I knocked on the door and Marle answered it and looked all surprised and then slammed it on me and then opened it again and said 'leave! hurry!' and then shut it again but as if i was going to do that so i knocked again and after a pause and some muffled talking the door opened again and it was Mr Smart and he said 'come in blake, please' so i did.

He said 'Blake i have issues when it comes to other people and things i deem my own property and you have stepped over the boundary and i hate punishing my property but you know you've kind of made me do it so i guess i'll punish you too,' and then he pulled a gun on me and i saw Marle looking scared and it reminded me of Celes and the ghost girl and i got so mad i slapped the gun right out of his hand and picked him up off the ground and threw him into the nearest wall and then ran over to him and before he could get his breath back i picked him up and i did it again and then i kneeled down next to him and i said 'if you even think about hurting my friend in any way shape or form then expect to be hurt in return.'

And then i kind of came back to being blake and i watched Mr Smart run away and get in his car and start it up and drive away and then Marle and i looked at each other and Marle was confused and so was i and i said 'i don't think you will have to worry about him anymore,' and Marle said 'i think so too,' and i had to sit down for a while because it suddenly felt like i had found another blake inside of me who was a much angrier person.

I am still not sure where he came from, or if he will come back again.

We talked for a while and then i went home and slept until late afternoon today, and until now i have been watching television and listening to music and thinking i might need to invest in one of those nintendo DS's so as to play some video games.

I am going out with the other delivery guys again tonight, so i better start getting ready.

Blake out.

happy, sad, and a bit of the inbetween

So we rescued Celes the other night, in a fashion that was so perfect in execution that you might think all of us were controlled by the one person, which of course is not true, but what a wacky situation it would be if we were all under the control of some strange puppet master like leader, don't you think?

Actually security was quite light so it was quite easy.

But even though all is well, i feel a bit like i have missed an opportunity. I really wanted just a chance to say a 'thankyou' and maybe even ask a 'how are you?' but i had to keep my mouth shut all night and act like i was a tough mercenary commando with no links to her whatsoever and it was very hard to do when we dropped her off at the bus stop and she looked my masked face in the eyes and said 'thankyou, whoever you are.'

All i could do was give her the sketch of the girl falling down the hole which was all scrunched up because i had to slip it to her because i couldn't let the others know i had it. Even if it is very little, i hope that she sees that sketch and it makes her a little happier.

What a crazy world it is we live in where a simple Blake can be the fuse that lights a giant stick of dynamite that explodes into war and general unhappiness for the population at large.

In any case, Lydia came to my apartment today and said that she had work for me and i was super tired because i hadn't slept very well (another dream about the sad girl with the red eyes and the pale skin. She looked at me in a strange way that made me feel like i had forgotten something important i was supposed to do), and she asked me if i could work because she was being overloaded with deliveries. She said that in the last two days things have gotten really hectic and she needed as many people as possible.

I spent the day bicycling around (it was a beautiful day, and Cleardly has two bikes) and delivering all manner of bits and pieces from a to b and c to x and y to z until it was evening time and even though i was really tired i felt really good for some reason, so i passed by The Alchemist because i hoped Marle might be around to talk to but she still seems to be missing. I asked the manager if he knew her phone number and he seemed to be an understanding sort and gave me her address along with her number because he'd seen me with her before.

She lives quite far away, so i figure as soon as i get a day off i'll visit and see if she's ok because her phone is disconnected.

Blake out.

a quick post but maybe an important one too

So this post will have to be quick because lives are at stake and the only reason i have time to type now is because we are waiting for a sign from one of Mr Empty's men who is currently scouting the building to make sure everything is green for go.

Ok so here is the rundown. After a nothing day on friday I saw those guys in suits taking someone out of the hotel so i followed them to a small cafe where i got a chance to see the person and it was Celes! She looked a bit confused and maybe a little worried and they took her into the cafe and i ran in there and all these people looked up at me but i couldn't see any of the guys in suits so i ran past all the tables and into the kitchen but there was no one there but a cook and he threatened me with a really big knife so i ran away.

No wonder i felt something strange about those sketches!

I was in shock. I was wondering to myself whether i had actually seen Celes or not when i remembered that Mr Empty said i could call on him for any favours so i rang him and then met him at his hotel and he said he would help me rescue her.

Unfortunately, Mr Empty informed me of a situation that currently exists between Lydia and another person named Mr Dougall. Mr Dougall runs a business that has many different facets and Lydia and him often clash because their businesses seem to sometimes run parallel, so they are always at ends with each other and recently things have gotten quite bad and as Mr Empty puts it they are both waiting for the straw that will break the camel's back and when the camel's back breaks the war will start.

It is all a bit confusing.

In any case, it turns out that although i am allowed to rescue Celes, i am not allowed to let her know it is me that is saving her, because if it comes to light that one of Lydia's employees has interfered with Mr Dougall's business then i will be the straw. I was a bit sad because i really want to talk to Celes again because she saved me last time and i feel i owe her but i guess if i can save her then it doesn't really matter all that much as long as she ends up ok.

So on Sunday we kidnapped one of the suit men and we all wore masks and we found out that Mr Dougall's men don't actually know they have Celes, they think they have the daughter of a famous industrialist and they are planning to blackmail him, but of course it won't work because his daughter is perfectly safe and sound at the moment. I called him stupid and i slapped him and he cried and then i felt a bit bad, so when we dropped him off far away so that he couldn't easily contact the others, i made sure we gave him some candy too because that sometimes cheers me up.

So now we are waiting for the sign. It is all a bit exciting.

Oh, looks like we are getting some sort of signal.

Blake out.

as tiring as it gets there is still something that keeps me awake

i'm sorry i haven't posted for the last few days, but it has been a busy few days and the work has piled up in ways that keep me from feeling like typing what i have been doing down.

But now i can fill you in on the week's happenings thus far:

Tuesday:

I got sent to a small house and at the house a man invited me in and sent me down to the basement that was all set up in a high tech fashion with computers and lots of people in uniforms moving around in a rushed manner and some of them carried notes to other people who looked at them and said things like 'contact hq. let them know what's happening.' There was a man in a room nearby and the room was decked out like a really nice office. He had one of those fake windows that look like they're looking out on something. This man was dressed in a nice suit with a blue tie and he also wore a black mask which covered his face but let his hair run freely, because it was long and black and beautiful. The man said 'so you are Blake,' and i said 'yes,' and he said 'so you work for lydia now?' and i said 'yes,' and he said 'hm... maybe there is more to this after all,' and i was a bit confused so i just said 'yes.'

He gave me a letter which i took to Lydia who then sent me to Yoko who made me follow her to what seemed to be an abandoned building that had a small room in it that had a safe and she put my letter in the safe and then said we were done and left.

Then i had to walk home because she seemed to just vanish and it took forever and i just fell asleep the moment i sat on the couch.

Wednesday:

Lydia sent me to deliver a briefcase to a friend of hers who was staying in the same hotel as Mr Empty and when i knocked on the door he said 'come in' and i did and he was getting a massage from a two small asian women and he saw me and said 'aw hell get outta here ya goddamn pervert you ain't the room service guy!' and i said, 'but i was sent by-' and he cut me off and said 'dammit ya idiot if you don't get out i'ma teach you a lesson' and he pulled out a gun so i closed the door real quick and then i saw some people in suits like the ones i saw at the warehouse and they were carrying a big black bag into the staircase at the end of the hall so i ran after them down a floor and then i couldn't find them, but i did find another sketch on the floor.

The sketch i found was of a girl falling down a big hole but she was reaching up for a rope that was just out of her reach.

I must have knocked on every single door on the floor but i didn't get anywhere from it.

Dammit Blake you were so close!

I went back to Lydia and she said she would deliver the briefcase herself. She had forgotten her friend could be so intense.

Today:

I mulled around outside the hotel in my car waiting to see if any of them came out but no one did. It was very boring but i just know something is happening in this hotel and i need to know what it is.

Actually i fell asleep for something like three hours at around two so i am quite mad at myself.

I am not sure what to do from here. I would like to talk to Marle about it but she hasn't been around the past few days, which is a bit strange.

I will work something out.

Blake out.

Empty warehouses becoming familiar warehouses

I went over to that warehouse again today to look for clues and i was all sneaky like and i went around the back way to make sure no one would know i was there but it turned out the place was well and truly completely empty. I went into that little office room and all the furniture that was in there when i first visited was gone and so i went to that little room i heard noises coming from before and all i found was a really pretty hair clip which was sitting in the corner, so i put it in my pocket.

Maybe this belongs to the girl, and maybe it doesn't, i don't know.

Is it silly of me to feel like this hair clip is important somehow?

Anyway i went to The Alchemist and Marle said 'lets go for a walk because i finish soon' and i said that sounded grand so i had a coffee and then we went for a walk to the local park because Marle said there are some nice spots to just sit and do nothing. The park is actually really nice and we spent some time just sitting around talking about music and books and stuff and it was all really nice.

But then as we were heading away from the park a car pulled up, a real nice looking one that was big and the driver wanted us to get in and Marle looked worried and she said we should, so we got in and there was this guy with a goatee and he said 'what's your name little man?' and i said 'My name is Blake sir' and he said, 'ah blake. A nice name, to be sure. Now listen Blake, i'm not telling you not to go near my woman or anything like that, but listen up good, ok. Don't go near my woman. Are we cool?', and i said, 'i think we are, mr...?' and he said 'Mr Smart. Now get out of my car. Both of you.'

Marle said she was sorry but she probably shouldn't see me for a while and before i could find out what was going on she ran away, and then out of nowhere it started raining so i had to run home and i got all wet and it wasn't much fun.

Damn, it looks like i have some investigations to do! I always wanted to be like a private eye or something like that, and i guess this is my chance!

Blake out.

Yoko Kanno - Atomic Bird

I went out with Cleardly and all the other delivery people last night, and besides a little confrontation early on everything went pretty well, although i couldn't really get those sketches out of my head. I still can't actually, so i am thinking i might have to talk to someone about them soon.

Anyway, there was a guy i was introduced to early on in the evening and he looked at me suspiciously and shook my hand extra hard when we were introduced and his name was Matt. All during our dinner at the bar (Schnitzel and chips and beer? Rocking!!!) he had a foul look on his face and glared at me with an intensity i have never really known personally. But i didn't really take much notice of it because my mind was swimming in a sea of possible meanings regarding those sketches.

A bit later on in the night i was getting a coke (I was not in the mood for drinking) when he came up to me, quite drunk, and said 'i know who you are, even if the others don't,' and i said 'what do you mean Matt?' and he said 'dammit if you play stupid anymore i am going to put your lights out,' and i said 'i don't understand what you mean Matt. Have we met before?' and he growled like an animal and hit me in the face and i don't know what happened inside of me but i felt an anger i have never known previously and i hit him back so hard in the stomach he fell down and just sat for a while stunned.

I felt really bad about it because i wasn't mad at Matt at all, he just triggered something that i think might have been building up for a little while.

Maybe i have JJ to thank for my punching power?

As it turns out, Matt thought i was a person who had stolen his girlfriend and all of his money and ran off a few years ago. His name is Grey, and apparently he even comes from Hollow Hills, which i thought was kind of interesting. Matt says i talk different and i have a different haircut, but that the likeness is just crazy. Matt is actually a good person, and by the end of the evening we weren't mad or anything, and we talked about videogames we'd played when we were kids.

Matt is old school. Like NES and SNES old school. It's pretty cool, all his knowledge on all those old games.

Today i woke up late and just stayed in reading and playing guitar. I came up with a few simple song ideas but i don't have anywhere to record them or keep them which is a bit sad because i would like one day for you guys to hear them and tell me what you think of them. They are not anywhere near as good as Relm's songs, or even Joanne's, but i think that maybe they are just a little bit enjoyable in just a tiny sort of way.

I hope so, anyway.

I think Marle wants me to visit tomorrow, so i think i will try and do that after work.

Blake out.

i found another sketch (read: clue)

So yesterday Lydia sent me over to an old warehouse on the outskirts of town that apparently was once thought to be haunted, and many still believe to be. As Lydia explained it to me, the place seems always to draw the 'wrong crowds', and that long ago to keep people away someone made up this rumour that the warehouse was haunted and it stuck. Lydia also said that maybe it's not completely untrue, seeing as many people have died there.

Anyway, there were a group of people in a little office in one of the corners of the warehouse and i was supposed to pick something up from them which i would then bring back to the cafe where i met Marle (incidentally it is called 'The Alchemist') and give to a man called Barry.

There was a little room connected to the office and i could hear something coming from it though i couldn't tell what it was. I said to the man who was sitting in front of me, 'What do you guys do here?' and he said 'nothing' and i said, 'what's that noise coming from there?' and he said 'nothing' and i said 'it sounds kind of like a person,' and he looked at me and said 'it's nothing' Then i saw a sketch on a desk and it seemed familiar somehow so i walked out to the doorway and i shouted 'JUMPING JIMINIES WHAT THE HELL IS THAT PERSON DOING HERE?' and everybody came out to see and in all the hustle and bustle i took the sketch without anyone knowing.

The drop off went well and i went back to my apartment and hung the new sketch up next to the old one and i know now that they are by the same person. The new sketch is of a person sitting on a roof top looking up at the starry sky but he is completely unaware that there is a big ugly monster creeping up behind him, ready to pounce. The sketch is something i would call equal parts beautiful and scary. The picture is very good but something about it is a bit unnerving.

I am not sure if i should but i feel like i should go over to the warehouse again at some point because i am a bit worried even though i don't entirely know why.

Anyway, today i had a free day so i went to the gym and visited Marle at The Alchemist and we shot the breeze for a while and then i went for a wander around the local mall which is actually not very interesting and then i went back home. Actually though, i did call up Cleardly and he said that i should totally come out with them on Saturday night because it's Robert's birthday and it will be a great chance for me to meet all the others.

It sounds like it will be fun.

Blake out.

second mission - success!

Lydia gave me a briefcase of my own today and made me wear some sunglasses that she said i would have to give back to her later. She said i was to go down to the local supermarket and go to the vegetable section, where i would meet up with a man in a suit who i would swap briefcases with. Then with my new briefcase in hand i would head over to an expensive hotel and ask for Mr Empty and then deliver him his goods.

I was told that at no point was i allowed to take the sunglasses off.

It didn't actually take too long, and it was actually quite easy. The man i met in the vegetable section was also wearing glasses, but his made him look quite smart and intelligent. He wore a blue suit that was ultra stylish and he had cool hair. He looked at me with my rockstar glasses and my briefcase and he said 'you are the one lydia talked about. I think you may have a... future with us should your work continue to be... satisfactory'

We swapped briefcases and then it was off to the hotel.

Apparently Mr Empty is a rockstar of sorts, but in an underground sort of way. He took my briefcase and said 'come on in man' so i did and then he sat me down on a chair and said 'now tell me who sent you,' and i said 'lydia did' and he said 'that's what they all say and so far they're all liars' and i said 'oh really? how many other people?' and he stopped for a minute and said 'Well jeez i don't actually know,' and i said 'because i would be interested to find out,' and he said 'hell yeah me too man! I'm gonna call up and find out!'

So actually it turns out there were another six people who came to his hotel room and pretended to be sent by lydia, and all of them were dealt with the only way Mr Empty's crew knows how, and apparently it is not the nicest way to be dealt with. Mr Empty ran a check on me and said i was cool and that he liked my glasses and we talked about music for a little while and had a few beers with his two bodyguards who also seem pretty cool.

Mr Empty said that if i ever needed help while he was in town i could call on him. 'Any time, any place my man, i'll be there,' he said and gave me his phone number.

Lydia was quite happy with the way things turned out and gave me the rest of the afternoon off, so i went and checked over the messageboards for any sketches i might have missed but i came up blank, which was a bit sad. I looked at the picture on the fridge again but i still can't seem to work it out. It feels like a puzzle and the missing piece is floating around somewhere in the empty space of my memories.

Tomorrow i think i am working again, but i'm not heaps sure.

Blake out.

dinner out with a beautiful woman! Go blake!

So i went to the gym today and i ran on the treadmill and did some benchpress and shoulder and tricep work. It was bizarre because i went kind of early in the morning and there was no one there and i had to turn the lights on and it was all quiet except for my ipod which i had playing the whole time. I guess i expected lots of people to want to work out too, but then again i guess most people don't feel pumped for it at 8am.

I think maybe i could be a little stronger than i am, but at least i am working towards a goal of some sort.

On the messageboard in the lobby there were all sorts of messages for all sorts of different people. There were people looking for love and people looking for more, people looking to start bands and also advertisements for when all the delivery people meet up and hit the local bar on saturday night because apparently nobody ever gets shifts on sunday. I took a little tab from down the bottom which had the phone number of a guy called Cleardly and then i noticed a picture hidden behind some pieces of paper.

It was a picture of a person running from a big black shadow and for some strange reason it reminded me of something i had seen a while ago and the feeling in fact was so strong that when i was sure nobody was looking i tore the picture off the messageboard and put it in my pocket. I put it on the fridge and i looked at it for a good few minutes but nothing came to mind. It was not signed by the artist or dated but i just know it is familiar somehow.

To take my mind off all that stuff i went to the local cafe and brought a new book i am reading called 'an imaginary life'. It seems quite short but also quite interesting too, so i am interested to see just how it all pans out. In any case i saw someone i recognised there but again i am not sure where from and he had no hair and he saw me and then squinted and then left so maybe he knows me too?

The waitress at the cafe is quite pretty and she said 'something wrong sugah?' and i said 'nah just thought i saw someone i recognised' and she laughed and we talked for a bit and then she said 'what you doing after five sugah?' and i said 'i think i might get something to eat' and she said 'would you like some company?' and i said 'yeah i'd love some but where on earth am i supposed to find it?'

So after i got what she meant we went to a chinese restaurant and talked about music. Her name is Marle (cool, huh?) and she sings but she wouldn't sing for me because she was too embarrassed. It was really cool to meet someone new and get to know them. She said we should go to dinner again some time and she can show me around afterwards so that sounds really cool.

Anyway, best get to bed early in preparation for work tomorrow!

Blake out.