closer - nine inch nails

Terry was wearing a hawaiian shirt today and a grin that was as big as a mountain or maybe just a little bit bigger and he said 'how's that pool coming along?' and i said 'pretty good, though it is not a pool in a conventional sense,' and he said 'how do you mean?' and i said, 'well terry it's kind of a surprise you know? But i think you'll like it,' and he said 'ah i remember the day my wife surprised me with another man. That was on our twenty seventh anniversary and i can tell you now that i have never ever wanted to hit a woman so hard in my whole life. I had trimmed my beard all nice like and was wearing my best safari suit and i had some roses and some dark chocolate because i knew she liked it and all of a sudden there was this other guy and it all went straight to hell in a freight train and i said that he could take her but he had to leave me an eye or an ear and it got a bit messy so now i work a little shop in the middle of nowhere all peaceful like and free from anything really damaging to my aura, you know?' and i said, 'i think so, yes.'

I think i have finally reached my maximum amount of holes now. I'm not exactly sure why but i started another one today and i had no desire to start anymore because everything just seems to be about right now and i can feel that i am getting a bit closer and i feel that in the next few days something is going to happen.

I did slack off a bit today and just lay around soaking up the sun for awhile and thinking about nothing in particular. I don't know why but a strange memory popped it's way into my head out of nowhere and it surprised me that i had forgotten because it meant a lot to me when it happened. You see, when i was like seven years old i had a spider-man umbrella and i really loved it and took it with me to play on rainy days because it was the only spider-man thing i had and one day i dropped it and the wind took it and it went into a river and i never saw it again and for days i was the saddest person in the whole entire world because i didn't have my umbrella.

Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most but it's even stranger that the even the things that mean the most can sometimes just up and disappear from our memories as though they never even happened, you know?

The ghost girl again seemed distant last night for the short time that i saw her (i can't seem to keep my eyes open past two am, and she turns up around oneish i've come to notice) but she seemed a little brighter at the same time, and i couldn't help but think that maybe on her plane of existence maybe there were fireworks or one of those aurora borealis things that always seem really awesome on the television. Somehow i think my being around the place has made her closer to this world at the same time as being pushed further from it, although i am not sure if that really makes sense or not.

Is this a good or a bad thing?

Blake out.